It is not all that uncommon for older brothers or sisters to reject the name that has been picked out for the expected baby. Parents can find different ways to handle this unpleasant behavior and help the sibling accept the baby's name and the shifting change in family dynamic.
Understand the Feelings of the Older Child
Before parents respond to the negative (and possibly annoying) comments of the older child, it is important that they understand the child's feelings before they react to the situation. The child's dislike of the name may be the result of jealousy, fear, attention-seeking behavior, or simply a quirky personality. Once the root of the resentment is uncovered, parents can respond with empathy to address the behavior.
Give Control over Something Else
It might be possible that the root problem is a control issue. By exerting a strong preference for the baby's name, the older brother or sister is trying to exert some control over the situation. While it is a normal response in children as they are head through family changes, it is not necessarily a desirable one.
Parents may find that by offering the child even minimal control over other the baby's name diminishes the complaints. Depending on the older sibling's name preference, parents might be able to incorporate his preference as a middle name. Another alternative would be to offer the child a list of acceptable names from which he could choose.
However, if the child has chosen a name like "Spiderman" or the parents are set on a name, other ways to offer control to the child will build his security. Siblings can become involved in picking out a homecoming outfit, selecting from a few paint colors for the nursery, or picking out a special toy for the baby. Finding little ways that show the older child that his opinions are valued will help to deepen his connection to the baby.
Actively Ignore the Behavior
If the negative comments continue, parents may find that actively ignoring the behavior is the best route. Parents should not react, verbally or nonverbally, to the child's strong opinions of the name. This does not mean that they should ignore the child, but ignore the behavior. If the child is reacting to the name strongly because he is simply seeking attention, it would be best not to give him that attention at the time. Further, parents should find ways to lavish the child with their love and attention at other times.
Lay Down the Law
Finally, it may be necessary to have a loving but firm conversation with the child. Parents can acknowledge that they understand he does not like the name, but regardless, inform him that the name has been chosen. Parent can offer the sage wisdom – "If you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all." Case closed.
Older siblings often struggle to accept new siblings, and one of the ways that can be seen is when it comes time to choose the new baby's name. Once parents find out why the child is reacting as he is, they can choose how to deal with the behavior appropriately. With a little bit of love, guidance, and discipline, parents and children can get past this early sibling rivalry issue.
Jennifer White - Jennifer White has authored parenting books and has worked in childcare and education fields for over 15 years. She now focuses much of ...
